Overcoming Loss When it Feels Impossible: 5 Steps to Healing

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*Updated October 2023

Overcoming loss when it feels impossible is challenging to say the least. However, it is something we all have to face at some point in life.

Loss is a part of life. Losing a loved one, a family pet, or a job can feel incredibly painful.

In addition, chronic illness, assault, and verbal or physical abuse are also deeply devastating losses.

And, when the worst happens, you can lose your sense of safety and security.

As a result, you may experience feelings of helplessness, anxiety, and depression.

Overcoming loss in a healthy way is crucial. Otherwise, it may cause long-lasting trauma.

It may even be necessary to see a medical professional, so don’t be afraid to seek the support that you need and deserve.

But, there are some important steps you can take to care for yourself and begin overcoming loss even when it feels impossible.

Overcoming Loss When it Feels Impossible: 5 Steps to Healing

1. Experience the emotions.

When the worst happens, it’s important to feel the emotions of sadness, anger, frustration, and any other negative emotion that may arise.

It’s understandable that you may not want to face the full force of your feelings head-on. But, the worst thing you can do is to ignore them or try to stuff them down.

Ultimately, this strategy won’t work. Unhealed wounds don’t go way on their own. So, you’ll end up carrying them around like baggage. And, this will negatively impact on your life.

So, how do you deal with the pain in a healthy way?

• Acknowledge how you feel.
• Accept how you feel.
• Know that your feelings are valid.

This may sound like common sense, however, people will have definite, and sometimes vocal, opinions about how you should feel, or even how long you should mourn.

Therefore, keep your circle small and be mindful of who you bare your soul to. You’ll need all of your energy to care for yourself.

I’m not advocating a pity party, but true healing requires that you face your emotions even when they’re dark or painful.

“When you’re going through hell, keep going.” Winston Churchill

Winston Churchill

Overcoming loss is like traveling through a dark tunnel. You never know when the light is going to enter.

Sometimes, you’ll catch glimpses of it, and feel the stirrings of hope.

However, it can quickly get dark again, and the heaviness of depression, anger, or frustration can be overwhelming.

Therefore, the best thing you can do is keep moving forward, one step at a time.

2. Be kind to yourself.

Make sure you’re kind to yourself. Treat yourself the way you would treat your own child in a time of grief and loss.

There are several effective ways to do this:

• Be patient with yourself during the healing process.
• Forgive yourself if necessary.
• Make time for self care.
• Try to stick to a familiar routine as much as possible.
• Speak kindly to yourself.
• Meditate or walk in nature.
• Do yoga or get some form of exercise.

Do the things that make you feel most like you, even if it’s only few minutes a day.

Admittedly, this may be difficult because along with trauma comes confusion, memory loss, and lethargy, among other symptoms.

Activities that require a lot of focus, like reading or writing, may feel impossible, so do what makes you feel good in that moment.

And, always nurture a spirit of gratitude for the wonderful things in your life.

These are gentle and healthy ways of caring for yourself, body and soul.

Get a Good Night Sleep

Getting quality sleep on a nightly basis can help improve your health, and it’s so beneficial when overcoming loss. I know it always makes a world of difference for me!

Here are a few compelling reasons why you should give your body the sleep it needs. A good night’s rest will:

• give your brain the ability to rest, recover, and catch up.
• help you to retain the information that you have learned.
• allow you to process your emotions which helps maintain a positive outlook and boosts your mood.
• help you to keep weight off, as poor sleeping patterns have been linked to weight gain and obesity.
• release hormones during sleep that help repair cells and control the body’s use of energy.
• enhance athletic performance.
• improve cardiovascular health.
• positively affect the efficiency of vaccinations.

Rest and Relaxation

Also, give yourself permission to relax. Loss and trauma take a toll both physically and mentally, and you’ll need your strength when overcoming loss.

You are also more susceptible to illness and injury which will make things even worse. So, if you need a few days or weeks of down time, take them!

Life is not going anywhere, and the world will continue to spin. But, your health may depend on your ability to care for yourself through tough times.

3. You don’t have to talk about it all the time.

Sometimes, when you are overcoming loss, it’s always foremost in your mind.

However, you don’t have to talk about it all the time. It doesn’t mean that you’re not hurting, but it does provide a little breathing room. And, for a time, life seems normal again.

Anytime you feel strong enough to push past feelings of loss and anger, go for it. Watch a comedy (I highly recommend Bridesmaids for a good laugh), grab a coffee with your bestie, or cook your favorite meal for the people you love.

This is a healthy strategy to keep you moving forward, but at your own pace.

Healing from loss is a process. However, it’s ultimately up to you to get through it, and some journeys we just have to walk alone.

So, don’t hesitate to take advantage of the lighter moments as a natural way to keep you going when life is at it’s most challenging.

4. Do nice things for other people.

When overcoming loss, it’s important to put yourself first. However, being of service to others is one of the most healing things you can do.

Focusing on another person takes the pressure off for a little while. That’s because you stop thinking about your own problems and make someone else the center of your attention.

So, volunteer or commit a random act of kindness. This act can be as simple as buying someone a coffee, collecting trash in a local park, or donating pet food to a shelter. And, you never know, you may come home with a new best friend!

Forgetting your own troubles allows you to see things from a different angle and provides a fresh perspective.

And, when you reach out to lend a helping hand, you’ll start feeling lighter and more open.

You may even make a new realization about yourself. At the very least, you’ll know that you did something good that day.

And, you’ll experience a rush of positive emotions that comes with making other people happy. What could be more beneficial to your healing?

5. Make the best of a bad situation.

When you experience loss or trauma, you don’t feel like yourself. This is one of the most difficult aspects of loss.

You desperately want things to go back to normal. You crave the way things were before.

Although things will never be exactly the same, you may be able to get back into your former routine.

On the other hand, life may never be the same again and you will have to adjust to a new normal.

Whatever the case, it’s precisely when you are not feeling like yourself that you have the courage to change things or try something new.

In loss, a unique space opens. If you’re mindful, you can create something positive from your pain.

While overcoming loss, you know that there’s potential for growth at some level. However, when you’re struggling just to get through the day, you might not be open to this suggestion.

But, keep this idea in the back of your mind. When the pain dulls, you’ll have more clarity and perspective.

So, don’t hold yourself back if an opportunity does arise. It might be a sign from the Universe and exactly what you need!

One Step at A Time

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”

Arthur Ashe

The journey of healing after a loss is personal, so go at your own pace. Listen to your intuition and do what’s best for you at that moment.

When you feel overwhelmed, just breathe. Focusing on your breath will always return you back to the present moment and calm you down.

And, don’t worry, the light at the end of the tunnel will soon appear. Know that you are strong enough to handle whatever life throws at you, and you will weather this storm in time.

But, please get help from a medical professional if you need to, or if you’re feeling depressed.

It is possible to heal with the right treatment and self-care. You will be better and stronger for it, so keep the faith.

Please let me know which of these strategies have worked for you. What other things have you tried?

We are all on this incredible journey together, so don’t hesitate to reach out or share your ideas. I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

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