5 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries in All Your Relationships!

You can learn how to set healthy boundaries in all of your relationships regardless of your past history. As a result, you will enjoy healthy, satisfying relationships with everyone in your life.

When you set healthy boundaries, you are laying a solid foundation for happy relationships that are based on mutual respect. This means that you are able to identify reasonable, safe, and acceptable ways for other people to treat you.

In order to do this, you need to cultivate a strong sense of self which is key to high self-esteem.

However, if you don’t trust your instincts, or know what you need from a relationship, it can be hard to set healthy boundaries. That’s why codependent people often struggle with this.

So, when you begin this process, some questions might bubble to the surface:

• If I have difficulty creating boundaries, does that mean I have low self-esteem?
• How can I develop self-esteem?
• I’m in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect my boundaries. What can I do?
• Why am I scared to lose my partner even when he/she doesn’t respect my feelings?
• Why am I afraid to be alone?

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships

In order to unpack some of these questions, let’s take a look at the differences between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship.

Why Don’t I Set Boundaries?

Setting healthy boundaries in a relationship does not come naturally, it has to be learned. And, this is supposed to happen in childhood. Your parents and other significant adults in your life are responsible for teaching you what appropriate boundaries look like and how to cultivate them in relationships.

Unfortunately, for a number of reasons, this doesn’t always happen. And, although it can be challenging to retrain your brain and learn to hold onto self, boundaries are an essential to functional relationships.

So, a few things key things have to happen before you can do this effectively:

• Take time to define your personal boundaries. And, be aware that people have different boundaries, and that’s okay. (You don’t need to explain yourself if yours look different.)
• In a romantic relationships, both partners must clearly communicate their boundaries.
• Both parties must respect those boundaries and not cross them.
• If a boundary has been crossed, it’s your responsibly to speak up.

5 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries in All Your Relationships!

Self-Esteem

Improving self-esteem takes work, but it’s essential for a happy, healthy, drama-free life!

One effective way to develop self confidence and boost self-esteem is to observe your thoughts. Are they rational and based on reason, or are they irrational and based on misconceptions?

It can be hard to recognize inaccuracies in your thinking because of the limiting beliefs or false perceptions that you may have. And, in all honesty, you may not even trust your own feelings.

It will take time to untangle false perceptions and rewire your brain to finally get to the truth of who you really are, so be patient with yourself.

Resources:

• To learn if you have low self-esteem, click here.
• To learn how to re-parent your inner child to build self-esteem, click here.
• To learn more about limiting beliefs, click here.

5 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries

Healthy boundaries establish the basic guidelines of how you want to be treated. Here are five ways to successfully set boundaries in all your relationships.

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.”

Brene Brown

1. Understand Why You Need Boundaries

If your current relationship is not built on a foundation of mutual respect, there are probably patterns that you’ve identified as unhealthy or dysfunctional.

These are the experiences that make you feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or not respected. They also destroy your self confidence and lower your self-esteem.

So, it’s crucial that you bring them out into the open. This requires that you communicate your needs as an equal partner in the relationship

And, although it may take time to articulate, deep down you know what is important to you and how you want to conduct your life.

So, trust your inner knowing. With practice, you will come into full alignment with your value system and be able to share that effectively with others.

2. Know When to Set a Boundary

When something happens to make you feel angry, frustrated, or disrespected, you’ll know immediately that a line has been crossed. And, it’s important to convey that information to your partner clearly and directly.

But, before you react, stop and observe the situation objectively.

Whatever you do, do not engage immediately because your emotions will be running high. It will only serve to perpetuate the unhealthy cycle you are trying to break if you are not completely in control.

This is especially true if you are dealing with a narcissist who will readily use your feelings against you.

Emotional Check Up

Now, notice how you feel. What’s happening to you physically? Is your heart pounding? Or, do you feel adrenaline rushing through your body?

Accept whatever you’re experiencing in the moment and stay present. Breathe slowly and deeply until you can bring yourself back to your center.

When you are ready, communicate your feelings confidently and directly. You will be immeasurably more effective when you respond to the situation consciously and with purpose.

Take Notice

If your partner is not truly interested in making healthy changes, any attempt to assert yourself will cause them to deny, blame and accuse you of being irrational, jealous or even crazy.

This is called gaslighting and it is a common tactic a partner may use to manipulate you or maintain control of the relationship.

But, it’s also the perfect opportunity for you to gather information and make informed decisions about your partner.

More importantly, it’s how you learn whether or not you can even have a fully functional, loving relationship with this person.

And, if the conversation isn’t one that is based on mutual respect, disengage for now. There is no point in getting dragged into a situation in which your partner isn’t open to listening to you or validating your concerns.

It will be more productive to discuss the issue at a later time when both parties are willing to engage with compassion.

3. Set the Boundary

Now, it’s time to set the boundary. Be firm, rational, and even-tempered. When you state a need as a matter-of-fact, it’s much more effective than asking, pleading, or getting angry.

And, if you ask why someone isn’t doing something, you open yourself up to criticism and make yourself an easy target.

Instead, use sentence starters like:

• Right now I’m feeling…
• It makes me uncomfortable when…
• It’s important to me that…
• I’d like you to work on how you show up for me when…

Learning how to honor your truth is the greatest gift you can give yourself. No matter what you are feeling, your emotions are valid and deserve to be respected.

And, it will be important to let your partner know your expectations from this point forward.

But, also keep in mind that, you’re changing the dynamic of the relationship. This can be difficult or even scary, not just for you, but for your partner, as well.

4. Don’t react

It’s critical not to react to the other person’s response, especially in the same way you typically do because you are trying to establish healthy boundaries. This might be difficult, but you can do it.

Keep in mind that your partner may get angry and try to minimize your feelings. They may also use your triggers against you.

No matter what happens, remain calm. Create space by becoming the observer of the situation and looking at it objectively.

Silently reaffirm that your feelings are valid and your expectations are reasonable. Don’t continue explaining to make you point. You will only make yourself vulnerable to insults.

Your agenda is not to make them agree with you, it’s to hold onto self and build self-esteem. Stand firm in your resolve for a better relationship and a happier future!

“Do not justify, apologize for, or rationalize the healthy boundary you are setting. Do not argue. Just set the boundary calmly, firmly, clearly, and respectfully.”

Crystal Andrus

5. Don’t Attach to the Outcome

Now that you’re showing up in the relationship in a brand new way, your partner may not like it if they are used to being in control.

Be prepared for things to get worse before they get better. It’s just life’s way of realigning you to your personal truth and creating the space for better things to come!

It’s important to understand that in a healthy relationship, the other person will want to respect your boundaries.

However, this new dynamic might rock the boat. Your partner may react negatively, even if they ultimately want to be there for you. Remind yourself that this is to be expected and change takes time.

Also, know that you are in no way responsible their happiness. However, if you’re codependent, you may be tempted to rush in and save the other person, even at your own expense.

But, do things differently this time! The best reaction is no reaction; let go and allow things to unfold. By committing to this process, you are honoring yourself and raising your self-esteem.

Shifting Energy

Without a doubt, this process of change is a lot to go through. And, it’s not just about setting boundaries.

You’re also learning what you need and you’re building self-esteem. And, all of this is happening at the same time.

This is a huge energy shift in your life and an exciting time of self-discovery. So, channel your inner warrior and go for it!

Please let me know what you think of these steps and how they are working for you. Every time I receive a comment or question, it keeps me inspired and helps me provide value to my readers. Comment below and get the conversation started!

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