Do You Have Low Self-Esteem? Use These 5 Effective Techniques to Raise It Now!

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*This post was updated September, 2023.

Do you have low self-esteem? It can be hard to know because your self-esteem is a part of your identity and self-concept. However, if you struggle to get the things in life that you want and deserve, you just might!

The good news is that it is possible to raise your self-esteem and attract wonderful people and circumstances into your life starting today.

Keep reading if you are ready to and increase the quality of your life and your relationships by using these 5 effective techniques!

What is Self-esteem?

Self-esteem is what you think of yourself. So, when you see yourself in a positive light and have self-respect and confidence, you have healthy self-esteem.

Having a healthy amount of self-esteem means that you have an inner strength and a strong connection to self. As a result, you have insight into what you need to live a high quality life.

According to an article by Mind website, “Self-esteem is how we value and perceive ourselves. It’s based on our opinions and beliefs about ourselves, which can feel difficult to change. We might also think of this as self-confidence.”

When you have healthy self-esteem, you have the ability to assertively express your needs and emotions.

You are confident in your decision making skills, and you show resilience in the face of difficult situations.

Ultimately, a person with high self-esteem has a hopeful attitude toward life.

On the other hand, having low self-esteem negatively impacts every area your life.

But unfortunately, it can be difficult to identify.

However, if you are frequently unhappy, have relationship problems, or often put yourself down, you may have low self-esteem.

Childhood and Self-Esteem

Parents and caregivers are responsible for helping you develop self-esteem by teaching you how to care for yourself. If that didn’t happen, you may have lacked the skill set needed to build self-esteem.

However, any sustained negative behavior can result in low self-esteem. For instance, low self-esteem can develop if you were bullied, overweight, or a poor student.

In childhood, you are supposed to learn how to have healthy relationships by watching your parents and other trusted adults.

They teach you what love looks like, how to set safe, healthy boundaries, and how to love yourself. But, this doesn’t always happen as it should.

For instance, if your parents were abusive, codependent, narcissistic, addicted, mentally ill, fear-based, or denial-based, your ideas about love can be skewed.

Therefore, you may struggle to develop functional relationships. And, this creates a lack of self-esteem.

Other Causes of Low Self-Esteem

Although low self-esteem is oftentimes rooted in childhood experiences, it can also develop later in life.

There are a variety of factors that can cause low self-esteem. According to an article by Better Health Channel, the causes of low self-esteem may include the following:

• Unhappy childhood where parents (or other significant people such as teachers) were extremely critical
• Poor academic performance in school resulting in a lack of confidence
• Ongoing stressful life event such as relationship breakdown or financial trouble
• Poor treatment from a partner, parent or care taker, for example, being in an abusive relationship
• Ongoing medical problem such as chronic pain, serious illness or physical disability
• Mental illness such as an anxiety disorder or depression.

But, having low self-esteem is not your fault. The good news is that you can take steps to re-parent your inner child and rebuild your self-esteem!

Do You Have Low Self-Esteem?

Here are some questions to help you determine if you have low self-esteem:

• Do you genuinely like and value yourself?
• Can assert yourself and make decisions independently?
• Do you try new or difficult things?
• Do you show kindness towards yourself?
• Can you move beyond mistakes without blaming or criticizing yourself unfairly?
• Do you recognize your strengths?
• Do you make time for self care?
• Do you truly believe you matter?
• Do you know that you are good enough?
• Do you think you deserve a happy, abundant life?

Healthy vs. Low Self-Esteem

Do You Have Low Self-Esteem? Use These 5 Effective Techniques to Raise It Now!

5 Techniques to Raise Self-Esteem

Eventually, low self-esteem will cause discord in every area of your life, especially in relationships. And, it can be incredibly painful.

However, this pain can serve as a catalyst for change, and inspire you to take the first step in creating a life based on self confidence, self love, and self-esteem!

Here are 5 techniques you can use now to raise your self-esteem.

1. Accept Yourself for Who You Are

Accepting yourself means that you genuinely like yourself despite what’s happening in your life. And, while you may regret some past behaviors, you genuinely feel good about yourself.

As a result, when problems arise, you can recognize what went wrong without berating yourself. And, you can make adjustments for the future.

Keep in mind that acceptance doesn’t mean that you don’t want to change. It simply means that you have a healthy awareness of who you are and that you honestly acknowledge and accept your strengths and weaknesses.

“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”

Mark Twain

3 Ways to Accept Yourself

Accepting yourself can actually be one of the most difficult things to do! But, there are some specific steps you can take to make it easier.

Change your internal dialogue. 

We all have an internal critic. This is simply the negative voice in your heal fueled by ego.

So, the first step is to silence it. The quickest, most effective way to do this is to observe your thoughts.

And, then reframe them to be constructive and helpful, or simply observe them and let them go without continuing to dwell on them. One unhelpful thought can trigger a cascade of thousands of similar thoughts throughout the day and leave you in a negative headspace if you let your mind take over. And, whatever you focus on grows!

So, be mindful. Choose the thoughts you want to have and change your inner dialogue. If you wouldn’t say it to your child or your best friend, then don’t say it to yourself. Allow the compassion you have for others extend to yourself!

Forgive yourself for your mistakes. 

Everyone makes mistakes, it’s just a part of being human.

Mistakes are valuable because they teach you contrast. They shine the light on what you want and what you don’t want. And, they help you to steer clear of what doesn’t feel good.

And, honestly, no one is all good or all bad. So, if you did something in the past that you regret now, it doesn’t make you a terrible person. Conversely, doing something good doesn’t make you perfect, either.

Challenge your negative self-beliefs. 

It’s likely that you’re carrying around an outdated sense of self.

This is because you began forming opinions about yourself as a child. You learned who you were through your parents, teachers, and other trusted adults.

If there was dysfunction in the family unit, you may not have gotten what you needed to develop a healthy sense of self. So, you may unknowingly have outdated limiting beliefs that are holding you back from reaching your highest potential.

But, it’s up to you to let go of who you think you are, change the narrative, and tell the story of your future self. Then, project that image outward.

2. Set Boundaries

Learning how to set healthy boundaries is very empowering and key to cultivating a strong sense of self-esteem.

Start by noticing how you feel when you’re around certain people. If being around someone brings up negative emotions and makes you feel uncomfortable, trust your intuition!

Make this a time of self inquiry and discovery. You may want to keep a journal and make note of anyone who triggers you, or makes you feel bad about yourself.

“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.”

Iyanla Vanzant

Then, check in with yourself. What feelings came to the surface during the interaction? Has a boundary has been crossed? If so, which boundary?

Take time to process through your feelings and have gratitude for this act of self care and newfound sense of awareness. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide if change in the relationship is necessary, or if you need to terminate that relationship altogether.

However, it’s also important to distinguish the difference between a person who has bad intentions and a person who may challenge you in a way that doesn’t feel good, but is healthy for you.

If someone is coming from a loving place and respects your boundaries, deep down you will know that. They may simply be worried about your well-being and are sincerely trying to help you. In this case, all you need to do is have an open and honest exchange to express your feelings and clear the air.

But, also pay close attention to what makes you feel good. For instance, if spending time with a particular person always lifts your spirits and makes you feel good, then see them more often.

Now, you are learning how to honor your feelings and strengthen your inner guidance system. And, this builds healthy self-esteem!

3. Use Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations are extremely popular and they sound like a great idea.

However, if used incorrectly, they can make people with low self-esteem feel even worse. That’s because when your self-esteem is low, you’re not going to believe them.

In order to effectively create positive affirmations, you have to get very clear about what you want, and believe that the goal is attainable.

So, start slow and set small, achievable goals. Success will build confidence and then you can move on to bigger goals.

It takes some practice to change ingrained thought patterns and rewire your brain. But, by following these guidelines, you will be able to create powerful statements that will help to raise your self-esteem.

Guidelines

1. Always use the present tense.

2. Treat them as factual and true statements

3. Use words and phrases that are meaningful to you.

4. Choose positive, high energy words and phrases.

5. Behave as if you want is already yours!

For example, “I am so grateful and happy now that I have a new high-paying job that I enjoy.”

A wonderful resource to learn more about how positive affirmations can work in your life is, You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay. I recommend her to anyone who is working on healing emotional wounds.

4. Build Positive Relationships

When you have impaired self-esteem, you inadvertently attract people into your life who aren’t good for you. These individuals will only reinforce your feelings of low self-worth.

But, as you become more conscious of these relationships, you will learn who to avoid. It even might be necessary to cut certain people out of your life for good, and that’s okay!

Instead, seek out relationships with people who are positive and truly appreciate you. Spending time with those who inspire you, and appreciate all of your wonderful qualities, will help you build self-esteem.

Assert Yourself

Another option is to openly tell someone how you feel. However, this can be tricky. It’s not easy to suddenly change the dynamic of a relationship.

When you start setting boundaries and speaking up for yourself, there will be consequences. So, you’ll have to be prepared for whatever comes next.

In an unhealthy relationship, asserting yourself and finding your voice will cause backlash. So, don’t be surprised if the other person gets angry or even tries to emotionally punish you.

This is a clear indication that they’re not ready to honor and respect your feelings. It could also indicate that they have a narcissistic personality. (If you think you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, click here.)

However, in a healthy relationship, the other person will want to know your boundaries. You’ll even notice that some people in your life will begin working on healing their own insecurities in order to build a healthier relationship with you!

5. Challenge Your Thinking

When you have low self-esteem, you may find that you make assumptions about what others are thinking, or you downplay positive thoughts about yourself.

Only you can change this behavior! Don’t allow the negative voice in your head, or the ego, to have free rein. Instead, find a positive thought or at least shift into the neutral zone.

Learning to stay mentally strong in the face of difficulty is a lot like a developing a new muscle. Therefore, it’s important to exercise your brain every day to cultivate positive thinking.

Forgive yourself when you make a mistake and pat yourself on the back for your accomplishments. These are key ways to raise low self-esteem!

You are Not Your Circumstances

Having the ability to differentiate between your circumstances versus who you truly are is key to your self-worth.

Unfortunately, people with low self-esteem often have a victim mentality which keeps them stuck in a negative cycle.

But, self-destructive thoughts and feelings of unworthiness can be unlearned. Taking the steps outlined above will help you understand who you truly are, what you need, and how to get there!

All of us are born with infinite potential. And, all human beings have equal worth. The belief that you are anything less is completely false.

Creating a New You

Honoring yourself, your feelings, and your unique purpose for being here are all signs of high self-esteem. And, when you have high self-esteem, your reality will reflect this in every way!

Now, is the time to put these steps into practice and create the life you were meant to live!

Do you suffer from low self-esteem? How has it affected your life? What are some of the ways you’ve tried to re-establish your sense of self and build self-esteem? Sharing your story can help our community, so we’d love to hear from you!

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